Posted September 7, 2011on:
There is not much else to feel but gratitude at this time in my life.
I have felt anxiety, depression, helplessness, confusion, restlessness, anger, resentment and self-doubt many times in the last year. It was a process of growth, shedding layers and breaking through a hard shell of fear getting to this point. I lived with all of these negative feelings daily for a long time. I was not alone either. Working at a coffee shop full time with a bunch of other post-college lost-but-living-the-dream twenty-somethings was comforting. We all commiserated together about how we were “probably never going to use our useless ______ degree”, and how we “loved working here but couldn’t do it forever”. That feeling pervaded my consciousness daily and I finally decided that I had to do something. Finally things shifted and I got pushed out of that routine at the right time. I found another meaningless service job for two months, and it was there that I reconnected with the spark inside me, the driven student that wanted to be cultivated.
Now, I am so thankful. For getting fired and for being underpaid. For being in a place in my life where nothing was comfortable, although many in the same position tell themselves they are. For the universe shifting me into a place where everything became clear. It was like sitting in traffic behind a semi. Then the semi changed lanes and I saw miles of open road ahead.
Now, being out of the food service industry, I am still not comfortable. I am more in debt than I have been in my entire life. But I am thankful. Thankful and content. I am my own boss, and I am working my way out of a financial hole slowly, but doing something I love. And I am so thankful that I got myself here. With quite a bit of help, of course.
Becoming a personal trainer in Fort Collins is a challenge. Becoming a yoga teacher in Fort Collins is even more of a challenge. There are so many of us fighting for the same clients- the ones who have enough motivation to pick up the phone and call and say “I want to change my life”. There are not a lot of you out there – you must know that you are rare. We are blessed to have been picked by such courageous clients, and even more blessed to be able to see the transformation physically and emotionally. We are blessed to help along the healing process. You must see something in me that you trust, and I am thankful for you.
I am more than thankful to my amazing family and friends: my sangha (spiritual community), for being my support and keeping me on the path in the last year. You all are by my side at every step, giving me feedback, ideas for marketing and for content, advice for both business and personal issues, and inspiration for finding my true self. There are too many names to list, but know that without you I would be taking two steps back with every step forward, not vice versa. In Buddhism, the sangha is one of the three jewels the Buddha reminds us to hold dear- the Buddha within oneself, the Dharma path we travel on, and the Sangha community support system. They are all three absolutely vital to getting anything done in this world, physically, spiritually or otherwise. I have such an amazing Sangha. It’s big, too. Its not only spiritual companions like meditation buddies or fellow yogis – if I’ve ever met you, you are a part of my Sangha. And I thank you.
Love and so much light,